we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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