Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
