Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Duck Duck Cougar?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
