billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
