The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
