he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
