So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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