I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
