I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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