u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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