I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
