He is an equal opportunity slut.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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