Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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