Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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