i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
When did angry sex become our thing?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
