Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize