Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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