coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
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