i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Randomize
