Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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