the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
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