have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Everything about him screamed your future.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize