One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
