Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
