I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
