Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
