her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I am mentally ready for anal.
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