Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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