I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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