I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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