I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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