question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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