I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
we're making bets on your personal life
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
