You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
