Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
