Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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