I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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