one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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