I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
