do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize