I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Randomize
