I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize