false alarm. still invincible.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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