Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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