we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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