"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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