Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Just took my morning after pill in the library
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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