I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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