I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
