I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
