So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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