woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
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