So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
