Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
