I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
