Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You did what with his pubic hair?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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