I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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