Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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