tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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