i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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