mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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