I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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