I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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