shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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