Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
one might say we're banned from that church
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
