I think I just saw someone hide a body.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
