May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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