why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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