9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
