the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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