Where is the hickey?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
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