Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
