it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
