oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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