I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
