I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
