When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
