So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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