my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Randomize
