finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
where are my eyebrows?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize