she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
