How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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