I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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