Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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