let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I AM VODKA MAN
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
