I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
