who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
