sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize